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Humour and Truth at City Hall


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#1 Holden West

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Posted 21 October 2006 - 07:53 AM

So true...:-D

Humour at City Hall

By BrennanCLARKE
Oct 20 2006

The quips were flying thick and fast in Victoria City council chambers, proving that, when there's a bathroom item on the agenda, even respectable professionals can't pass up the opportunity for some good old-fashioned bathroom humour.

Despite an admirable effort to maintain decorum, there were more than a few snickers and guffaws during council's discussion of the very serious problem of public urination earlier this month.

Coun. Charlayne Thornton-Joe, the brave girl who took on the file, referred to herself as "the only counsellor with a file called public urination." There were giggles as pictures of her touring public washrooms in various cities appeared during the power point presentation.

Coun. Helen Hughes, arguing that the cost of any public toilet initiative might be shared across the region, said other municipalities shouldn't be "relieved" of their responsibilities.

I reflected upon the similar pronunciation of "European" and "you're-a-peein" then noted that, by complete coincidence, the Belfry Theatre will be staging a play called Urinetown next month.

Just then council started discussing pop-up toilets. Thornton-Joe wagged a finger at the media table and quipped: "Keep it down over there."

Oh, the hilarity.

Lame as it sounds, that's about as entertaining as council's Thursday morning committee-of-the whole has been in months.

Normally, it's a dull affair - couple hundred pages of development applications and policy initiatives full of ponderous sentences and oblique terminology.

Sure there's the odd moment of levity - planner Mickey Lam's madcap antics with the laser pointer come to mind. Once, during a discussion of the Ottawa's SCPI housing fund, Coun. Dean Fortin suggested that tapping into the fund could be called SCPI dipping. Thornton-Joe has more than once noted that the moniker Mayor Alan Lowe sounds an awful lot like a popular type of dry red wine. I thought he was more of a pinot blanc kind of guy, but that's not the point.

What I'm saying is the language of bureaucracy sucks all the fun out of the business of government and fosters confusion and inertia in the democratic process. What's worse, it bores voters into a state of apathy. Few people have the time or the inclination to cut through the rhetoric. Even trained observers such as myself have trouble making sense of the bafflegab.

Meetings take hours, and yet when it's all over we are left with minutes. Motions are put on the floor, but if there's no decision, they go back on the table. Standing committees are always sitting, but the sitting government has decided to stand down this fall. Nouns.

All of which got me thinking we might be better off if everyone around the council table used in plain language and spoke their mind. Here are some examples, gleaned from actual council meetings, of how that would liven up the proceedings.

What they said: "The exterior façade isn't in keeping with the character of the neighbourhood."

What they meant: "This building is butt ugly."

What they said: "With all due respect your worship-"

What they meant: "You're full of it, Mr. Mayor. And by the way, I don't worship you."

What they said: "They are evaluating how they might start thinking about Phase 3."

What they said: "They are pretending to do something but actually they're doing nothing."

What they said: We've received a lot of feedback on that."

What they meant: "People are pissed off."

What they said: "I'd like to send this back to staff for more information."

What they meant: "I'm petrified of making a decision."

What they said: "I'll have staff prepare a report on that."

What they meant: "Thanks for the make-work project."

What they said: "This project is sustainable."

What they meant: "As if we're going to build something that's unsustainable."

What they said: "This proposal is not a good fit with the neighbourhood plan."

What they meant: "The NIMBIES have gone ballistic."

What they said: "This may be too big of a building for too small a lot."

What they meant: "It will block out the sun and contribute to global warming."

What they said: "I'd like to raise a point of order."

What they meant: "I'm all out of arguments so I'm going to stall this on a technicality."

What they said: "This file is going to require extensive public consultation."

What they meant: "The voters will lynch us if we screw this up."

What they said: "I move that we receive this report for information."

What they meant: "Thanks for wasting our time. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

What they said: "This project will be LEEDs platinum."

What they meant: "At the very least we'll have energy-saving light bulbs."

What they said: "If our objective is to rectify the (CREST radio) system, then we need to move this thing forward."

What they meant: "Quit stalling!"

What they said: "It's Triple Bottom Line"

What they meant: "It's three times as expensive."

What they said: "I move that we go in camera."

What they meant: "Here comes the good stuff. Somebody kick the media out."

Brennan Clarke is a Victoria News reporter.

mailto:bclarke@vinewsgroup.com [/b]
"Beaver, ahoy!""The bridge is like a magnet, attracting both pedestrians and over 30,000 vehicles daily who enjoy the views of Victoria's harbour. The skyline may change, but "Big Blue" as some call it, will always be there."
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#2 gumgum

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Posted 21 October 2006 - 08:11 AM

This one's rediculous:

What they said: "This project will be LEEDs platinum."

What they meant: "At the very least we'll have energy-saving light bulbs."

It amazes me how ignorant reporters can be.
Funny though.

#3 G-Man

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Posted 21 October 2006 - 08:39 AM

A few of them are.

Visit my blog at: https://www.sidewalkingvictoria.com 

 

It has a whole new look!

 


#4 aastra

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 05:47 PM

That just pissed me off.

What they said: "The exterior façade isn't in keeping with the character of the neighbourhood."

What they meant: "This building is butt ugly."


Sorry, what they usually mean is, "This building is beautiful. Make it uglier."

#5 aastra

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 05:48 PM

What they said: "This may be too big of a building for too small a lot."

What they meant: "It will block out the sun and contribute to global warming."


Yeah, right. What they really meant was, "This building is significantly smaller than every other building around it."

#6 aastra

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 05:51 PM

What they said: We've received a lot of feedback on that."

What they meant: "People are pissed off."


What they really meant, "Fifty people showed up to say how much they like it, while one person made the same rambling, incoherent negative comment he always makes."

#7 James Bay walker

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Posted 09 November 2013 - 09:16 AM

I was going to create a new topic about humour but saw via the site's search tool, that we already have one mentioning humour in the title, and a decent start on the topic of humour generally.

A small sampling of my favourite sites for Professional / Business humour:

http://www.mikeshapi...om/news_faq.php

editted to add: http://www.mikeshapi...W3331.JPEG.html
(was on my fridge, and had become my inspiration for this post -- I see the TC had chopped off the fellow on the left, and had replaced "all" with "some" of the people [though, I suppose it's just possible the cartoonist updated the expression for his website], editting humour ought not be allowed and yet another reason I do not subscribe to the TC)

http://www.dilbert.com/

jbw

#8 Bingo

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 12:00 AM

IMG_9268.jpg



#9 rjag

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Posted 28 November 2015 - 08:00 AM

http://www.dailymail...social-facebook

I think this is the appropriate place to share this in light of the current councils makeup
  • AllseeingEye likes this

#10 AllseeingEye

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Posted 28 November 2015 - 09:28 AM

http://www.dailymail...social-facebook

I think this is the appropriate place to share this in light of the current councils makeup

Yes I'm sure Ben Isn't loves the likes of a Mr. Corbyn. Although I will say after reading the article that Corbyn believes what he believes and apparently walks the walk in addition to the talk, so you have to respect him on that level if nothing else, in spite of the almost comical naivete re: NATO. And really, of all the figures in (relatively) recent history to admire, and you choose a monster like Mao...seriously?



 



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