3054 replies to this topic

[gumgum]

^
"In the hole again.
You've got to get back in that hole again!"


Dinosaur Jr. rock. I'm going to have to check that one out. Too bad Sugar's such a bad venue. The acoustics are the worst.
Regardless, I'll be pocketing a set of ear plugs for that one.

[Galvanized]

Wow, I saw Dinosaur Jr years ago, it would be cool to see them again. I gotta find a late baby sitter.

[Holden West]

Another great column by Chamberlain; he really nails the Victoria attitude.

Create excellent results with a little imagination

Adrian Chamberlain, Times Colonist
Published: Saturday, April 07, 2007

An aging baby-boomer imagines attending the next Nelly Furtado concert at Save-on-Foods Memorial Centre.

Baby-boomer: Please sit down. I an unable to view the performer.

Teenage girl: Excuse me?

Baby-boomer: I said I cannot see.

Teenage girl: Is my spirited dancing impeding your sight-lines?

Baby-boomer: Yes, it is.

Teenage girl: I sincerely apologize. My youthful vitality leads me to supersede the rules of etiquette and common decency.

Baby-boomer: Despite your youth, you are sage.

Teenage girl: Perhaps you find the music too loud. Shall I ask the concert producers to turn down the sound?

Baby-boomer: Yes. In addition, instruct them to dim the bright stage lights.

Teenage girl: I am happy to do so. Also, I apologize because, in general, the vapid music of my generation fails to measure up to the Beatles, Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix.

Baby-boomer: Excellent.


A typical Victoria taxpayer imagines what artists who create public art talk about in private.

Artist #1: Guess what? I have just been awarded a $25-million grant to create public art.

Artist #2: That's great. Do you plan to create an artwork that will infuriate the public?

Artist #1: Yes. But first, let us drink absinthe, the drug-infused liquor that made Vincent Van Gogh go crazy and slice off his ear.

Artist #2: I will join you ... as long as this expensive and highly illegal beverage is funded by a public grant.

Artist #1: It certainly is. Let us now drink and become crazy.

Artist #2: Right. And don't forget this: Rather than creating a realistic artwork -- say a soldier on a horse or Emily Carr gripping her monkey -- make an absurd abstract sculpture no one can understand.

Artist #1: That is crazy. I will do it immediately.

Artist #2: It will enrage the public. We will hoodwink them and fritter away their hard-earned tax money.

Artist #1: Excellent.


Rolling Stone Keith Richards, his hearing damaged by years of high-volume rock, struggles to recall the interview in which he confessed to snorting his father's ashes.

Interviewer: So Keith, what's the must disgusting drug you've taken?

(What Keith thought he heard: "Skill-testing question, Keith: Apart from your mother, who was your other parent?")

Keith: Well ... it was me old dad I reckon. Poor sod, I keep his ashes in an urn.

Interviewer: God, that's horrible!

(What Keith thought he heard: "How did you ordinarily ingest cocaine?")

Keith: Up me conk, mate. Sniffed it up the old hooter.

Interviewer, gagging: Oh Lord! I must notify the international press, you detestable cannibal.

(What Keith thought he heard: "Thank you Mr. Richards. Have a nice day.")

Keith: Excellent.


A Times Colonist theatre writer imagines attending his next play.

TC writer: Excuse me. Would you mind not unwrapping your hard candies?

Theatre-goer: Oh ... I am sorry for disturbing you.

TC writer: Yes.

Theatre-goer: I realize that I ought to have unwrapped them before the show. In fact, I should never, ever consume any food or beverage during theatre or any other performance. It is a vile and vulgar habit.

TC writer: Yes, it is.

The play's director: Excuse me? You are the theatre critic, loved and respected by the arts community. Is this patron bothering you?

Theatre-goer: I admit I was. It was terribly thoughtless.

The play's director: You shall be ejected immediately, never to return. As well, your car will be impounded and crushed. Theatre critic, would you care for a free chilled martini?

TC writer: Excellent.

mailto:achamberlain@tc.canwest.com

© Times Colonist (Victoria) 2007

[Lover Fighter]

Anyone else seeing the Flecktones coming up at the Royal at the end of the month? Should be a great show, definitely my favourite jazz fusion band around and probably the most mind-blowing bassist you'll ever see.

[m0nkyman]

Anyone else seeing the Flecktones coming up at the Royal at the end of the month? Should be a great show, definitely my favourite jazz fusion band around and probably the most mind-blowing bassist you'll ever see.

Better than Nomeansno's Rob Wright?

I don't believe it.

[G-Man]

Anyone checking out any skafest this weekend?

[gumgum]

I'm hoping to drag my wife and 6 month old.

[Holden West]

Even though my porkpie hat's at the haberdasher's getting reblocked I would still like to check it out.

[VicHockeyFan]

Pour some sugar on me!

September 28th at Save On...

[Caramia]

Better than Nomeansno's Rob Wright?

I don't believe it.

NEVAH!!!

[Phil McAvity]

Let's hear which ones you've been to, where you saw them, and what you thought of them.

I've seen Bryan Adams and Def Leppard at Save-On. Both were really good.

I wanted to see Mellencamp but after getting two tickets to Prism for 25$ at the Sooke Community Centre, I had a hard time justifying $100+ for one ticket to see old Johnny boy.

I'll let you guys know what I thought of Prism later.

[G-Man]

I hear Skid Row is coming!

[Holden West]

VicHockeyFan and I were present at Def Leppard at the old Memorial Arena back in 1983. Uriah Heep were the supporting act.

[gumgum]

I saw Sharon, Lois and Bram that year.

Tee hee.

[Holden West]

I know. Your mom's totally hot.

[Nparker]

Due to the shoddy job of soundproofing on the SOFMC, I have been able to "enjoy" the sound of, if not the spectacle of, a good deal of the concerts that have taken place there in the past 3 years - right from the comfort of my bed.

On a related note, I notice that SHAW has put their signage up on the Caledonia side of the centre. Perhaps their presence there will bring some much needed "non-event-time" life to this site.

[Phil McAvity]

Nparker, I know exactly what you're talking about. The night before I saw Bryan Adams at Save-On, I got a quick sample driving by. I could clearly hear the song playing. If you can hear the concerts from your bed, it's not just Save-On that needs better sound insulation though, unless your bed is in the arena!

Prism was fun, and what a bargain!

So no one here has been to a rock concert in Victoria for a quarter of a century?

[VicHockeyFan]

Nparker, I know exactly what you're talking about. The night before I saw Bryan Adams at Save-On, I got a quick sample driving by. I could clearly hear the song playing. If you can hear the concerts from your bed, it's not just Save-On that needs better sound insulation though, unless your bed is in the arena!

Prism was fun, and what a bargain!

So no one here has been to a rock concert in Victoria for a quarter of a century?

I was at Mellancamp last week. I'll be at Avril Lavigne in a few days, and I'll be at Thoroughgood and Queens of the Stone Age soon too.

[Mike K.]

Avril Lavigne is still playing concerts?

I haven't been to a concert in the SOFA quite yet. Either the bands that come here aren't my thing or tickets sell out faster than I could ever get my hands on them.

[Galvanized]

^Select your tickets is no Ticketmaster. They need to seriously upgrade their servers. I've been to a couple of shows and I must say the sound is very disappointing, it's slightly better than the old arena perhaps the same as the Pacific Coliseum. GM Place sounds much better and it's a bigger venue.